


Useful

by Kasanova0



Series: Chase Brody [1]
Category: jacksepticeye egos - Fandom, septicegos - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Borderline Personality Disorder, Check on your happy friends folks, Depression, For some reason I believe in my soul that Dr. Ipliers first name is Edward, Gen, I promise, I wrote Dr. Iplier long winded so be prepared, Marvin is an emotional boi and I love him, Now thats my otp, Self-Harm, Side Henrik/Edward, Suicide Attempt, There will be fluff eventually, a little bit of trickshot, also Chase/Therapy, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26185462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasanova0/pseuds/Kasanova0
Summary: Chase had always been the group's happy one. He gave freely and helped much more than he needed to. The way he smiled and joked around all the time with everyone made it clear that nothing ever got to him or brought him down.But we all know that wasn't the truth.--So, this is just a story I decided to write when I was feeling not great. I just kept writing and writing and I almost finished it in a day. But by the time I was done, I thought "Gee, I keep writing 'I feel like I don't have a personality' maybe I'm projecting too hard. Maybe I'll look that up." So that is how I found out that it is a very high possibility that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Whoops. So, anyway, I hope you enjoy this sadness as much as I liked writing it!TLDR; I decided to post a story I wrote about my sadness to get me feeling better and I accidentally found out a disorder I might have. Enjoy!
Series: Chase Brody [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901566
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Useful

**Author's Note:**

> I have a majority of this written out already, but I'm not totally done. So I'll post like 5 chapters right away and work on finishing it! Feel free to comment if you'd like me to extend some scenes in a separate post or whatever and I'd be glad to! Open to constructive criticism! Enjoy!

Chase was reliable. Dependable. He was always there when you needed him without hesitation or question.

\--

  
"Hey Chase!" Jackie greeted, holding a pile of red clothing as he stood by the bedroom door frame. 

Chase immediately smiled and turned to give his friend his full attention, pausing his game. "Hey Hero! What's up?" 

Jackie gave a sheepish smile and took a step inside the room. 

"I have a bunch of holes in some of my suits.... I hate to ask, but would you mind fixing them? I would do it myself, but my stitches never hold as good and-" 

Chase quickly stood up and took the offered clothes. "Of course man! Anything for my favorite superhero!" The words came easily and his smile was automatic. 

This seemed to please Jackie as he gave a beaming smile in return and a clap to Chases shoulder. 

"Thanks, Chase! I owe you one!" Chase gave him a fist bump and turned to put the clothes on the bed. "Don't worry about it, bro." He dismissed as he sat down on his bed. 

He already had the drawer open to look for his needle and thread by the time Jackie made his way out of the room, his game going completely ignored now. 

"Thanks again!" Jackie called as he left, heading out toward the kitchen. 

Chase spent the night finishing up every single hole and reinforcing seams that seemed ready to break. He didn't want the superhero to wait too long for his suits.

\--

Chase was always happy to help his friends. Happy to make himself useful.

\--

Chase was watching tv in the Septic house living room, intently watching a chef perfectly frost a cake when he heard shouting. He was instantly on his feet, heading toward the hallway.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Marvin said in frustrated huff, face slightly flushed. 

"All I'm saying, Marv, is if you don't vatch your diet, it could lead to some very bad health problems down ze road." Henrik said in a monotone voice, as if he were talking to one of his patients. 

Marvin's grip on the plate of cookies in his hands tightened. "Fuckin' EXCUSE-" Chase caught his arms as they had just started their upswing, getting ready to hit Henrik with the ceramic plate. 

"Woah woah woah, guys! What's up?" Marvin huffed out a breath and opened his mouth, but Henrik was faster to answer. 

"I was just varning Marvin about his terrible cookie habit. If he continues he could seriously-" 

Marvin tried to struggle out of Chases grasp. "I will fuckin' FIGHT you, you glorified-" Chase put a hand on his friends shoulder. 

"Marv, Marv! I think you and I both know that Shneep here wasn't trying to insult you." Marvin's frown deepened as he stared at the doctor. 

"We also both know that he was just worried about you, dude." Before Marvin could protest, Chase interrupted. 

"It's just one of the ways he knows to show he cares, you know? He just wants you to be around as long as possible, happy and healthy. Because you guys are friends.. right Schneep?" Henrik easily nodded, arms still crossed, as if that should have been obvious from the beginning. 

Marvin took a second before relaxing slightly and Chase finally let go of him. 

"I guess.. I can see what you were so ineloquently trying to say.." He said, still not totally fine with it, but willing to not take as much offense. 

Chase smiled and patted his back. "Hey! You wanna watch a movie? Maybe The Greatest Showman? I can make popcorn and smoothies?" His smile was bright and Marvin couldn't say no to such an offer. He caved and gave a small smile. 

"Okay.." Chase smiled and gave a quick nod. "You can set up Netflix and I'll start on the food." 

Marvin turned to walk down the hall, but stopped suddenly. 

"...You can come too if you'd like Henrik." He said, still facing away and then quickly dissapeared into the living room.

Before Henrik could follow, Chase stopped him. "Hey, uh.." He moved closer to the doctor and whispered in a hushed tone. 

"I don't think Marv has been feeling too great about his body lately..." Chase awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, eyes going just around Henrik. 

"So, if you wanna help him.. maybe be more delicate? Or just don't be so direct? It's a sensitive subject." Henrik nodded in understanding. 

"Just.. don't tell him I said anything." The doctor smiled, patting Chase on the shoulder wordlessly before he followed Marvin into the living room. 

Chase let out a breath. He was glad he could defuse that bomb. 

Walking to the kitchen, he smiled as he saw the two men sharing light conversation on the couch.

\--

Chase was a mediator. 

He was able to see clearly what other people were trying to convey easier than most. 

Considering Chase felt like he didn't have much of a personality, it was easy to go anywhere if you start from zero. 

So he was happy to solve an arguement or completely derail one before it even began. 

He found himself doing it often, it became second nature. Rephrasing things that the other Septics said to one another, making it just slightly less harsh or slightly more understandable to the other. 

Making sure everyone felt heard. 

It was one of the things that made him accepted in the house.

He'd never felt strongly about things; opinions on food, on shows, movies, colors, activities. He'd always just opt for something he knew whoever he was with would like. He would always assess the person and pick the best option for them, not caring one way or the other about it himself. 

Even his jokes were tailored to each person carefully. 

It's how he's always been. 

He'd always done everything in his power to make sure every person that he was with felt happy and satisfied with his decisions.

After all, having no real personality traits made it so he had nothing really to offer the other housemates, friendship wise. So he made himself helpful. 

Useful.

\--

A few of the Septics were sitting in the living room, watching some tv show about supernatural things with a protagonist trying to save everyone, riddled with different characters and story lines that made it almost impossible to follow along to an episode if you weren't caught up. 

Jackie and Marvin were excitedly talking to each other, both superfans of it, evidently. Going over theories and analyzing different scenes. 

Anti rolled his eyes. He didn't know why he agreed to watch it with them. 

He was on a separate chair, the two fans sharing the couch, taking up the entire thing with their merchandise from the show along with some notebooks they scribbled in occasionally, and Chase and JJ sharing a loveseat placed between the two other seats. 

Anti gave an exaggerated sigh as the episode was paused again while Jackie and Marv screamed. "Did you SEE that?? I KNEW it!!" They quickly wrote something in their notebooks.

JJ looked utterly bored as well, but wasn't as obvious as their friend sitting next to them on the chair. Chase turned and nudged JJ with his shoulder before signing how bad the show was, which made him laugh silently. 

Chase smiled back and thought for a moment.

{You. Tea. Want?} He signed, getting an eager head nod from the mute. Chase looked over at Anti first and called for him. 

He quickly signed that he and JJ thought that this show was the worst. Anti had an amused smile as he looked to JJ for confirmation. 

JJ kept a straight face as he gestured to the tv and then grabbed his thumb from his other hand and pulled it out quickly.

Anti give a hearty laugh, JJ joining him with a silent one. 

Chase quickly got up, smiling as he made his way to the kitchen. He was glad he got JJ and Anti to bond over something.

\--

He boiled water and grabbed a small assortment of tea bags, not knowing who else would want some or what kind, and placed it on a wooden tray. 

He filled a small container with sugar and grabbed a container of honey, placing them both on the tray as well with spoons. 

When the kettle whistled, Chase smiled and poured the water into a large teapot, adding it and five tea cups to the assortment. 

Satisfied, Chase grabbed the tray and headed out into the living room.

The show still wasn't even half way through yet and Jackie and Marvin were complaining about something utterly heartbreaking apparently. 

Anti had moved into Chase's seat and both he and JJ were signing to each other, laughing quietly as they looked over at the pair on the couch. Chase kept his smile up, unwavering as he came and gently put the tea tray on the coffee table. 

"I made tea, if you want any." He was met with quick nods from Jackie and Marv before they were back enveloped in their show again. JJ excitedly reached for a cup before signing a quick thanks. Anti carded through the tea bags after signing something to JJ.

Chase felt a small pang of sadness seeing his seat filled so easily, so quickly, but he figured it was fine. 

Anti felt included and JJ was enjoying himself. 

Everyone was happy. 

He smiled and silently walked off to his room, unnoticed by the others.  
  
\--

Everyone was happy.

Chase reminded himself as he pulled out a glass bottle from his mini fridge. He pulled out a whiskey glass from his nightstand as well, a little heavy handed as he started to pour. 

The tequila when down harsh, making Chase cough a bit. He was alone in his room, watching some cooking tv show, not processing the information in front of him. 

The shots he took, he thought, were slow and spaced apart. But by midnight, he had a lazy smile on his face and it felt like everything was a slideshow. 

His body felt warm and his face was flushed as he tried to focus on a chef hurriedly garnishing his dish before time ran out. 

In his drunken haze he didn't realize what he was doing until he was suddenly in the kitchen, heating up frozen food in the microwave. 

As he walked out of the kitchen, he passed by the living room, full of all the other Septics watching a movie. 

They were all talking, mostly happy, save for the one superhero yelling at Anti for something he said. 

None of them took notice of Chase, which he was grateful for, as he was thoroughly drunk, but he still frowned as he walked back into his bedroom.

Sitting on his bed, he felt some sadness creeping back in as he sobered a bit. He took a breath and poured himself another drink before sticking the half full bottle back in the fridge. 

This was fine. 

Getting drunk every once in a while wasn't a crime. It made him feel good and he needed that sometimes. 

He quickly drank and tried to push back questions faintly echoing in the back of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Henrik had been stomping around, slamming doors, and mumbling to himself for a good 10 minutes before Chase heard him and quickly made his way out of his bedroom. 

The doctor was angrily waiting for his coffee to brew. Chase cautiously walked up next to him and smiled. 

"Sup Schneep! Doin' okay?" He casually leaned against the counter and smiled brightly at him. 

Henrik huffed and shook his head. "Itz notzing, Chase. No need to vorry." His tone was strained and it was clear that he was lying, eyes fixed on the infuriatingly slow coffee maker. His finger tapped on the counter impatiently. 

Chase felt the urge to roll his eyes, but suppressed it. 

"C'mon, Schneep. I can try to help.. or at the very least, it'll make you feel better to talk about it." He gave an encouraging smile. 

Henrik thought about it for a moment before he sighed. "Itz mine partner.. Dr. Iplier." His frown deepened at the name. 

"He had ze NERVE to laugh at my prognosis of one of our patients. In my face! Like I vas some idiot!"

Henrik went on a tangent of medical terms and things that completely went over Chases head, but he got the gist of what the doctor was getting at. 

He still wasn't sure how deep Edward and Henriks partnership was. They called each other their partners, but it was pretty clear that they meant in a business sense whenever they said it. 

Considering both of their personalities though, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to tell if they did start dating.

Henrik was loud and straight to the point. He also was an amazing doctor. He could reach a conclusion to a problem with a patient faster than anyone, but when it came to any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise, he was completely and utterly tactless and clueless. 

He often thought people knew his intentions or feelings on a subject, but ended up seeming as professional and indifferent to everything as he did to his patients.. which often caused a big chunk of the problems in the Septic house. 

And then Edward, on the other hand, seemed friendly when he calmly ran on tangents that seemed to have nothing to do with anything, but he always seemed to end up with the right answers and conclusions by the end. 

He was a weirdly amazing therapist Chase heard.. save for his outrageously terrible dad jokes. 

He appeared to be more socially adept than Henrik, but ultimately it was an even playing field. Edward just tended to rely on humor more than anything and, more often than not, thought that he was being straightforward when he really was not at all. 

They seemed like a hopeless endeavor.

They spent more time with each other than anyone else, so at the very least, Chase knew they were close friends who respected each other alot. 

He thought it over for a moment before taking a step toward him. "Have you, you know.. talked about how it made you feel with him? Why you're upset?" 

Henrik knit his eyebrows together as he looked at Chase. "Ve have been vorking together for a vile now. He should know how much his opinion of me means." Henrik crossed his arms now, slightly turning toward Chase. 

"Well.. are you sure he does? Have you ever told him how much it does or how you feel?" 

This made Henrik stop his train of thought. "No.. I just thought zhat he.." He nervously adjusted his lab coat, eyes downcast as he tried to work it all out in his head.  
  
"Ed's not a mind reader, Schneep. I think you're a wonderful person to be around but.. sometimes it's hard to decipher how you're feeling about stuff, dude. I would think Ed feels the same." 

Chase felt a bit awkward. He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. "I think it would help if you talked it out with him... a heart to heart, you know?" Chase elbowed Henrik at his slight joke and it made the doctor smile. 

The coffee finally sputtered out the last drops of the steaming liquid and Henrik grabbed an extra mug. After he poured the two cups, he turned to leave. 

"I think I need to have a talk vith Dr. Iplier." Chase smiled as he watched Schneep walk away.

\--

Chase just felt so drained. He didn't know why, he spent almost all of his free time in his room in his bed. It was like the life was being sucked out of him.  
  
Most nights he drank. 

It started off as once or twice a week, but it slid into 4 to 5 days a week in a short amount of time without him realizing and without slowing down much. 

His hangovers were easy to hide behind a smile, but he decided to start drinking earlier in the evening and down them all quicker, giving him more time to feel better by the next day. 

He was terrified for any of the other housemates finding out about his drinking habits. He felt it was fine, it wasn't hurting anyone or even effecting anyone else. It was his time to feel good and not think about anything. 

He needed it.  
  
However, now he'd been doing it for so long now that it wasn't working as well as it used to. It took him more than half a bottle to feel better, then eventually a full bottle was drank in one night, along with at least one case of beer to give him any sort of relief. 

He never let any of his housemates see him get drunk, or even see any evidence that he'd ever even had any alcohol. 

He bought the groceries most of the time so getting them in the house was not challenging at all and he never let anyone in his room, always claiming it was too messy. Which, he guessed was a believable lie, since no one ever questioned it.

\--

No matter how hard Chase tried to ignore it or drink it away, his sadness grew and morphed and shaped into something else entirely. 

Something indifferent. 

He felt nothing. 

He couldn't feel much joy, pain, fear, sadness. Most of the time he couldn't even cry about it. He couldn't find anything else that made him feel anything besides alcohol at nights, alone in his room.. and even then, it was barely satisfying, it just became something he did out of habit.  
  
His appetite started to dwindle as well. Food lost all of it's flavor. Shows started losing their appeal, making nights quieter with no background noise. 

Then his sexual desires left him eventually and he felt lost.  
  
But Chase continued to smile. 

He continued to joke with everyone like he normally did. 

He still helped and listened and consoled everyone that needed it in the house. 

He just had this chasm in his chest that everything fell into now. His body was in auto pilot and he feigned happiness relatively easily. 

No one noticed, he made sure of it. Everyone else had their own problems and bothering them with something as dumb as his feelings felt selfish.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW; this is where the Self-Harm comes in

Chase was walking down the hall to start on dinner when he heard a quiet sob coming from Antis room, making him stop. It was accompanied by the feeling of static. He could hear all of the other guys talking and laughing in the living room and he frowned a bit. 

Standing in front of Anti's room he hesitated before giving a light knock. There was a sniffle before Anti cleared his throat. 

"Go away." 

It was spiteful, but very weak, crackling a little at the end. Chase tugged at his jeans nervously before he tried again. 

"Anti? Hey man. Can I come in? It's Chase." There was a moment of silence before he lightly heard blankets and pillows being moved as he shifted on the bed, then finally, he heard another sniffle. 

"Fine."

Chase cautiously opened the door and stepped inside, pushing it shut behind him with a soft click. Anti was sitting up in his bed, back against the headboard and he was half covered by his blanket. His eyes were slightly puffy and red and he avoided eye contact, but still spoke up. 

"What do you want?" 

Chase slowly walked closer and sat at the foot of the bed, opposite end of where Anti was. "What happened? I don't have to beat anybody up do I?" Chase asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. 

Anti gave a small smile, but it fell quickly. He wiped his face with his hand and let it fall back to his lap. "It's nothin'.. Jackie just didn't want me ruining their dumb thing out there." He gave a vague gesture toward the living room. Chase nodded and frowned slightly.

Everyone was slowly getting used to Anti living with them, but Jackie had been the most resistant. It made sense since he was a superhero, but made it harder for Marvin to accept him as well if his closest friend hated him, not to mention all the tension it added when it felt like everyone had to take sides. 

He shook his head and looked up at Anti, letting him continue. "It's not like I care what that high and mighty, super arsehole bastard thinks. He's hated me since I moved here... but, it's just.." 

Anti looked down and sighed, trying to find the right words. "But you just want to feel accepted here. Part of the team." Chase offered.

Anti looked away and shook his head. "It's so stupid! Why do I fuckin care so much? I've never needed anyone, why would I need them now? I'm better off alone." His voice was rough and he could hear the raw frustration. Chase scooted closer to Anti and lightly put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

"Look man, everyone just wants to be accepted. It's not wrong for you to want friends. Everyone here was hesitant at first, sure. But soon everyone will be joking around with you and you'll get annoyed by how much people want you to hang out with them.. This kind of stuff just takes time." Chase gave a reassuring smile and let his hand drop. Anti gave a small shrug, but didn't move otherwise.

A moment passed before he spoke again. "Besides, it seems like JJ is really enjoying you're company." 

Anti finally smiled. 

"Well only because I'm one of the two people in the house who can understand him without his chalkboard." Chase chuckled, Anti had a point. JJ would only use a chalkboard of all things if he couldn't sign. Not a whiteboard or a piece of paper, just a small chalkboard that seemed to pull out from nowhere. 

"Well, yeah, that helps, but it seems like you guys really get along! I've even noticed Henrik has been talking to you more too." Anti snorted. 

"He asks a lot of questions. Mostly about how I work. I swear he's just trying to butter me up so I'll let him and his fuckin weird boyfriend- I mean ' _partner_ ', dissect me and find out how I tick." They shared a laugh and the room seemed to lighten a little. "That _is_ a possibility."

Chase finally stood up after a beat and turned toward Anti. "Do you need anything? I'm about to make dinner." Anti rubbed his eyes and then shook his head. "Nah, I just need a minute alone, I think." Chase smiled and nodded before leaving, making his way toward the kitchen.

\--

Today had been bad. Chase hadn't realized how much more he'd been drinking and he ran out before it was time to grocery shopping. So now he sat, alone in his room, desperately wishing he could feel something and he was uncomfortably lucid. 

He'd brought his dinner in his room, saying he was tired. It made sense to everyone else and they went along with their night. Chase felt himself sinking further into emptiness as he separated from everyone. It felt like the back of his skull was on fire as the dread of what might happen started to set in.

Chase sank down into his bed, placing the untouched plate of food next to him. They had steak today with mashed potatoes and a salad. The smell was almost too much for him, so he decided to just dump the whole thing into the garbage next to his bed and tie the bag up. 

Just as he was putting the plate on his nightstand, he stopped and looked at the knife curiously. He'd try to feel so many things, happiness, sadness, love, lust, fear.. to no avail. But one thing he never tried to feel was pain. 

He wondered if he even could.

Picking up the knife, he sat back down on the bed, turning it over in his hand. It was a good weight and the tip looked sharp for how old it was. There was nothing on it as it reflected his eyes back at him. 

He saw nothing. 

Emptiness. 

Skeptically, he brought the tip to his wrist, sharp side up. Dragging down diagonally, he pushed the blade down, but not hard enough to break the skin. 

He felt... something.

He desperately wanted to actually cut down to see if he could feel more and chase that feeling, but he knew there was no way he could hide those. 

Thinking for a moment, he lifted up his trunks on one side and pushed the blade down onto his thigh.

He felt pain.  
He felt burning.  
He felt throbbing. 

He felt something.. _Finally_. 

He cut a couple times into his leg, wincing as he did. It felt like he was in an impossibly black ocean of emptiness and this pain brought him back up to the surface to finally take a breath. He laid on his bed for a few minutes before opening his drawer and dropping the knife in.

He stayed up to revel in the new sensation. Feeling the stinging, the blood dripping, the feeling of _feeling_. 

It felt like hours had gone by the time he felt tired enough. He cleaned himself off in his bathroom sink when he finally decided to go to sleep. He didn't bother looking at the time. 

It was the first time in a while that he fell asleep sober.


	4. Chapter 4

Chase was in his apron, mixing up a batch of special cookie dough, missing just one ingredient. 

"And then you just add the chocolate chips! Could you grab them for me in the grocery bag?" Chases voice was chipper as he smiled over to Jackie. 

"Sure! How much do you add?" Chase saw the dough was just about coming together. "The whole bag! Plus about a third of the other bag. But leave some out so you can press some on top before you bake them." Jackie happily brought the bags of chocolate chips over. 

"Lotta chocolate." He added with a chuckle. Chase nodded, putting on a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah... Marv likes chocolate, so I've always added a little extra for him."

The dough came together beautifully as they finished preparing it, adding the little garnishes before putting the tray in the oven. 

"And that's how you make Marvin the Magnificents absolute favorite cookies." 

Chase smiled and took off his apron before dusting himself off. "So now, if he wants some and I'm not here.. you can make 'em." Chase patted Jackie's shoulder and turned to leave. "I'm gonna go take a nap, mind finishing these off?" Chase asked, smiling brightly. 

Jackie saluted and smiled back. "You can count on me!" Chase chuckled. "I know I always can, Hero!" Chase walked out of the kitchen and stopped when he heard there was another argument in the living room.

"I can't live with you in this house anymore!" Marvin was worked up more than usual today. 

He stood in front of Anti, holding a large chunk of his mask that had broken off. 

Oh no. 

"Woah, dudes. Let's all take a breath here and-" Marvin growled and turned toward him. 

"No! This is it. The last straw!" He shook the piece of mask in his hand and snapped back, looking Anti in the eyes. 

"I can take all of your dumb little pranks, but one that breaks my mask is too far! You stupid fuckin-" Chase tried to put his hand on Marvin's arm, but it was quickly yanked away. 

"Marv, let's not-" 

"No! Fuck you Chase! You don't know how much this means to me! Or how I acquired it! It wasn't some stupid fucking hat that you could get at the dollar store!" He angrily gestured to the hat on Chases head. 

"It was carefully-" 

"Well it certainly looks like a piece-a shit that came from the dollar store!" Anti interrupted, venom in his voice. 

Clearly he got just as worked up as Marvin did. 

"Hey, Anti. That wasn't-" Anti shook his head violently. 

"No! Shut the fuck up Chase! This fucking magic asshole thinks he so much greater than all of us because he has a fucking kids cat mask on his face and can do some party tricks!"

Marvin was ready to lunge at Anti, but Chase held him back. 

"Wait wait! I think we're all a little too-" 

Marvin quickly turned around, facing Chase and violently shoved him away. 

"Just fuckin stay out of this Chase! You don't have to stick your nose in everyone's fuckin business all the time!" 

JJ reacted fast, standing up from his chair. Anti was already preparing to swing at Marvin when JJ caught his arm. 

He quickly signed that violence wouldn't help anything and Anti scoffed. 

"Violence has solved everything in my experience." Marvin turned back to Anti with a scowl. 

"Of course! It would make sense that an animal like you would-" JJ stopped him, which caught Marvin off guard. The mute quickly started writing something on the chalkboard he pulled out from behind him, neat handwriting filling the blank space. Chase was gone by the time JJ flipped it around.

This was it. 

He had officially lost his place in the house. 

He'd been preparing for it for weeks now. Anti could sign, so JJ wouldn't feel so alone and help communicate things to everyone else for him. 

He'd taught Marvin all of everyone's favorite dishes and how to portion the food correctly so there wouldn't be too much or too little. 

He'd worked with Henrik to open up about his feelings more, so that there was less confusion on his part, which calmed the house down a bit. 

He'd taught Jackie how to shop for groceries for the house and how to bake Chases own special recipe for cookies that he'd made especially for Marvin. 

And now, it was clear that JJ was just as good as, hell, probably an even better mediator for outbursts than he was. 

That was it. 

He was purely and utterly useless now.

Chase was originally going to wait for night time to do it, but he figured that now was as good time as any. 

At least he'd get to watch the sunny day today. He glanced out the window and saw a perfectly blue sky. 

It was beautiful.

After a beat, he turned and made his way to his closet. Hidden away in the back was a gun. Nothing too fancy or big, just a pistol he kept just in case for burglars or some situation where he would need one. He'd almost completely forgotten about it until a few weeks ago. 

When he bought it though, he didn't think that he'd end up using it for this. 

He loaded it up and hid it in the waist band of his pants, under his shirt.

He grabbed his last bottle out of his fridge violently, popping open the cap and started chugging it. 

He drank and he drank and he drank. 

He drank until his throat was burning, his eyes were watering, and over half the bottle was gone. The alcohol dribbled out of both sides of his mouth and on his shirt, but he just wiped his face and slammed the bottle onto the nightstand.

He saw himself in the mirror as he stood up.. the first thing he noticed was his hat. He pulled it off and examined it. 

It was old and worn, the colors were just starting to fade. Marvin was right, it did look cheap. He angrily threw it on the ground with a huff.

He stomped to the nightstand again and hastily grabbed the bottle, just now starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. 

He drank a majority of the remaining liquid and dropped the glass to the ground, not knowing or caring if it spilled or even what kind it was. He quickly left his bedroom and made his way to the back door.

Anti was begrudgingly saying something to Marvin, but it all sounded muffled. The only thing in focus was the cold metal pressed onto his abdomen and the path to the place he'd planned to go for so long now. 

Nothing would feel real until he got there.


	5. Chapter 5

JJ was listening to Anti's partly sincere apology when he saw Chase quickly leaving through the back door, his demeanor wildly different than normal and his hat missing. JJ waited for Anti to finish before he turned him so he could talk.

{Chase. Leave... No. Hat.} He thought for a second and then quickly signed {Sad.} 

Anti looked at JJ, confused. "When? Just now? He always has that thing, why'd he leave it?"

Marvin cleared his throat. "Uh, care to share with the class?" He asked, arms crossed. 

He was still mad, but it was clear he wasn't drunk off of it anymore. Anti rolled his eyes. "He said Chase left. Without his hat." He shifted as he thought on the last part. "He said he was sad." 

Marvin looked confused for a second before realization hit him. "Oh no. I was so mean to him! I have to apologize!" 

All the hate that he harbored in that moment instantly drained out of him and was quickly replaced with worry. He turned to leave, but Anti caught him. 

"Something must be really wrong. I don't think I've ever seen Chase sad before. He never let's things get to him. Guy's a ball of sunshine." He thought for a second. 

"We should all go and see what's up. I'll get his hat." He left quickly to Chases room. 

Jackie finally came out of the kitchen and smiled proudly. "Cookies are ready!" He smiled as he placed them on the coffee table. Looking up, he saw Marvin and JJ's faces and his smile dropped instantly. 

"What's wrong?"

\--

Anti swung open Chases door and immediately covered his nose. The room absolutely reeked of alcohol. 

He didn't know Chase drank... he guessed that was why he'd never been in his room before. 

He looked around for his hat and was surprised to see it on the ground. The closet was open and a bottle of whiskey was on the floor, staining the light rug a murky brown color. Anti grabbed the hat and frowned before quickly making his way out of the room.

Anti marched into the living room and was glad Jackie was out there too. "Guys. I don't think Chase is okay. I don't know if he's been that way for long, but we need to go find him asap." The trio all frowned, but nodded. 

They all left at full speed out of the back door.

\--

Chase made it to his favorite spot. Under a big shady tree that overlooked the ocean. Everything was bright and beautiful. The waves crashed on the shore as the sun glinted from above. 

It was perfect.

He sat at the base of the trunk, legs crossed and back leaning against the tree. He had the gun in his hand and he started to take in the little details of it. The size, the shape, the feel. He slowly dragged his finger tips along the edges and lines of it. 

He was drunk by the time he decided to lift the cool metal barrel to his temple, and he was grateful for that.

Just as he was readying himself to pull the trigger, he heard three voices screaming his name all at the same time. 

"CHASE!"  
"Chase, no!!"  
"Chase, wait!" 

All four were out of breath when they reached him. 

"Chase don't do this." Anti said as they got as close as they could.

Chase didn't turn around yet, but he did stand. He dragged himself up the tree, wobbling to his feet when he was all the way up. 

"Guys.. I can't. I can't do it anymore." He turned, dropping his gun only slightly. 

"Life.. doesn't feel like life. I don't... I don't feel like a person anymore. I feel like a shell. A fraud. I don't-" He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to find the words as they swam around in his drunken brain. 

"Chase.. let us help you." Jackie's voice was soft and unsure and Chase started to get frustrated. 

"How can you help something like me! I don't feel human. I don't have a personality. Fuck.. I don't even have a favorite color!" He gave a humorless laugh as he hit the tree with his fist. 

"'m a blank slate.. I can't feel anything!" His hand brought his gun back up the more frustrated he got, hand gripping tighter around the handle. 

"No one should have to deal with this!" He yelled, shutting his eyes again and harshly rubbing his hand over them.

Marvin took a cautious step forward. "No one should have to deal with this... alone. You shouldn't have to bottle it all up, Chase.. Let us help _you_ for once."

Chase shook his head, not meeting anyones eyes. "I don't- I shouldn't burden... why would I bother you all with this shit.. 's not fair to you. You shouldn't-" It felt like his thoughts were swimming in molasses. He couldn't find the right way to say what he wanted to tell them. 

His grip loosened on his gun and he started to feel... something. He didn't know what, but he didn't like it. 

It was Anti's turn to step forward. "Because man.. we love you." 

Chase felt something break in him. His body started to tremble as his eyes went glossy. 

"How.. How can-" He broke out into sobs. "How can anyone love this.. I can't even love me" His voice was shakey and almost too quiet to hear. 

"Please drop the gun Chase.. we love you and we want to help you. We all need you with us.." A gut-wreching sob tore through Chases chest. 

He lifted the gun and harshly hit his head a few times with it. His drunken brain was going into overload as more tears fell from his eyes, making it hard to see. The four were getting closer, but they didn't want to scare him.

Chase screamed, it was strained and it was broken. He quickly lifted the gun and cocked it.

Marvin was the one to jump and move Chases arm just in time so that it was no longer at his head when he pulled the trigger.

The shot was deafening, Chase had heard the ringing in his ears before he felt the burning in his chest, near his collar bone. 

He was still processing everything as he saw JJ grabbing the gun and carefully tossing it to the side. All of them were at his side in an instant and he felt a cloth being pressed to his wound and he hissed. 

He heard someone apologizing just before he felt someone scoop him up, bridal style. 

That was when he passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is all my fault." Marvin whimpered. "I yelled at him.. I pushed him! I literally pushed him!" He covered his face with both of his hands. 

Anti, Marvin, JJ, and Jackie were all sitting in the waiting room of Henriks and Edwards clinic, as they let the two doctors work on Chase. 

"Now Marv, as much as I'd love to blame you for anything and everything wrong in the world, it couldn't have just been one thing to get him to.. try and do this." Marvin felt like he should have gotten offended, but he just didn't have the energy. He slumped back into his seat quietly and sighed. 

"I don't want to start telling everyone his shite before he can, but I don't want to ever miss any signs or anything from him if he's in trouble again... or from any of you bastards for that matter." Anti avoided eye contact and crossed his arms. 

He was slightly uncomfortable with sharing so much emotion in front of the crowd, so he covered it with halfhearted insults. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"I went into Chases room and it reeked of alcohol.. has anyone else been in his room recently?... or, like, at all?" Everyone shook their heads except for Jackie. 

"Not recently, but I went in his room once.. that was, like, a couple months ago. Back when he kept his door open sometimes." Anti frowned. "Well, I guess we have our first sign." 

JJ nodded and started to sign to Anti, figuring it would take too long to write. 

"He went to sleep.. a lot earlier.. than everyone.. every night. Sometimes.. even eating in there. How did we.. not notice? When was the last time.. we saw him.. past 9? Or even 8:30? I always.. thought he just.. needed more alone time.. than most. I feel like a fool. I should have realized something was wrong." 

Anti felt his heart drop. It was true. How did they not notice? He gently patted JJ's back in an attempt to comfort him, deep set frown on his face.

After a beat, Jackie finally spoke up. "He's right. I always just thought he got tired from making dinner and stuff. Or that he wanted to play video games or something. I never even thought.. I never even asked-" He rubbed his face with both hands and sighed. Then he dropped his elbows to his knees in defeat. 

Marvin perked up suddenly. "Has anyone even asked what he was up to or how he was doing, seriously?" Everyone seemed to shake their heads and their collective guilt grew heavier. 

Anti cursed. "He's been so fuckin busy making sure that were all okay and all happy and I pay him back by not even bothering to even ask how he's doin? Fuck!.. How did so much get past us?" He slammed his fist on the arm of his chair and huffed. 

"He always seemed happy.." 

Marvin was so angry at himself. Chase had been such an amazing friend to him. He hadn't realize how easy it was to overlook someone's mental state like that. 

He always thought that Chase knew that he could come to him for anything. Sure, Marvin and Jackie were best buds, but the thing him and Chase shared had always felt like something.. _different_.. closer. 

At least he thought it was. 

Maybe he was wrong.. His eyebrows knit together in thought. "It's okay Marv. We'll all make this up to him." Jackies slap on his back and sudden firm tone jolted Marvin out of his thoughts. 

He gave a half convincing smile back, but he dropped it quickly. He didn't let himself dwell on _if_ Chase was going to make it out okay at all. He bit his thumbnail nervously and focused on the carpet underneath him, trying to think of anything else.

"We need to do something for him. All of us." Jackie said, with no real plan, but he knew that they all needed _something_. 

His voice was sure and unwavering. It eased the group a bit. Jackie had always been the rock in the group and the rest of the Septics were always grateful for that. 

"He'll pull through this and we're gonna be there for him, just like he's been there for all of us." Everyone nodded and went silent for a while, contemplating on just how they could make it up to Chase. 

JJ was just ready to comment, chalkboard in hand, when Henrik opened the door. 

The group jumped to their feet.

"Ve just closed him up... He should heal up just fine." Henriks voice was rough, but everyone could hear the relief in it as well. He smiled tiredly. 

His demeanor was lazy and he leaned on the door frame for support. It was clear that the whole situation was affecting him just as much, if not more than, the rest of the Septics. 

Everyone ran up to the doctor and pulled him into a massive group hug. His smile grew, but his body felt like it was ready to crumble. They all took a moment together to take it all in before they parted, eyes glossy. 

Henrik cleared his throat and attempted to pull himself together. "Come in and we vill fill you all in." 

The doctors voice had completely recovered and he made it look like he regained at least some of his strength back. He gestured for the group to follow him into the room Chase was in.

\--

Henrik gave the general run down of Chases condition as they all stood next to him on the hospital bed. 

He looked peaceful. 

Marvin had his hand covering his mouth and looked as if he was ready to cry again. "So, ve von't be sure about his hearing until he vakes up and starts to heal more, but... his left ear doesn't look good." Henrik frowned and looked over at Chase sadly. 

"Based on ze wound, it looks as if ze noise from ze shot vas close enough to do serious damage." He flipped through some papers and hummed. 

"It seemed like his head vas turned as ze shot vent off.. so I would be surprised if he had hearing in his left at all." 

Henrik explained everything in a practiced, professional tone as he looked at his clipboard, avoiding everyone's gaze and ignoring the growing lump in his throat. 

Marvin silently sobbed into Jackie's side. Jackie wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his back to try and comfort him.

Anti looked down and saw Chase breathing. His chest rose and fell softly. 

His face was completely relaxed and all Anti could think about was all the times Chase came and comforted him when he felt like an outcast or like a burden. 

All the times Anti lashed out at him and Chase still called him a friend.. never holding anything against him. 

He always gave without a second thought about himself. Anti felt his tears threatening to spill over. He took a breath and harshly wiped his eyes with his palm. Tightening his grip on the hat in his hand, he tried to focus on keeping himself together. 

"When will he wake up?" He asked, voice uncharacteristically small.

"Ve vanted to let him sleep to give his body ze best chance to heal, so it vill be a vile." Henrik said a little sadly. 

"I vill be here every minute vatching over him if any of you need to leave to grab anything from ze house or to go eat zomething." 

Just then, Dr. Iplier walked over from the other side of the room. "And I will make sure Dr. Schneeplestein will eat as well. The most important thing right now is for you all to take care of yourselves while Chase gets the rest he needs. So do not be afraid to ask me if you need any help with anything, including just someone to talk to. I am more than happy to do anything and everything I can to help my partner and his family." 

Edward put a reassuring hand onto Henriks shoulder. His voice was soft and sincere, like it always was, and it made Henrik smile.

Henrik suddenly looked nervous as he shifted and adjusted his lab coat. 

"Thank you, Dr. Iplier... it means alot to me." He struggled to get the last five words out and his cheeks flushed lightly. He cleared his throat to try and hide it. 

Avoiding everyone's gaze, he squeezed Edwards hand quickly before letting it drop back down to his sides. 

Anti gave a small, but genuine smile. Chase would have been so proud if he could have seen it. He made a note to himself to fill him in later.

"Alright, I think the best thing you four should do right now is go home, get something to eat, grab some clothes and things that Chase would like when he wakes up. Plus a change of clothes for him... I would even shower or try and do something relaxing, if I were you. You all went through something very traumatic today."

Edward soothing and gentle tone relaxed the others a bit as he continued to talk with his hands. "Dr. Schneeplestein and I will be here, making sure everything stays stable and we can notify you the second anything happens, which seems very unlikely anything will. Please take care of yourselves while we take care of Chase." 

Everyone seemed hesitant, eyes going from the doctors to Chase. The steady beeping of the heart monitor filled the silence as the group thought about what they would do. 

Jackie was the first to speak up. "We can't help him out by sitting around moping. We should go." He walked over to both doctors and pulled them into a quick hug before turning and gesturing for the group to follow him out the door. 

Anti was the next to follow, surprisingly, giving Henrik and Edward an appreciative smile, closely accompanied by a silent JJ. 

Marvin stayed until the three were out the door. He stared at Chase for a bit before looking back at the doctors. 

"I.." He quickly looked down and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "I just want to say thank you.." He looked over at Chase and desperately willed himself to keep calm. 

"I don't know what I'd...do without-" A lump caught in his throat and his vision had just gotten blurry when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. It caught him by surprise. 

He wanted to say something, _anything_ , but the words wouldn't come. So he just hugged back and let himself cry into Henriks shoulder. He felt another hand rub his back and it felt like an eternity by the time he finally stopped crying. 

"Sorry. I didn't want to mess up your coat." He said, sniffling. 

Finally pulling back, he actually felt a little lighter. Henrik waved him off and smiled. 

"I have many coats. My friends are vorth much more." Marvin used his sleeve to wipe his eyes and chuckled lightly. 

"You're gonna make me cry again, Schneep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, the next chapter is going to be pure fluffy Schneeplier (Schneepiplier?? Doctor Lovin???) because I am TRASH. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
